"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize