While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize