Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
