you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
