Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I puked a lego.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
