some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
