He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
