I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
