I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
