Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
