Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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