it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
