By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
