I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
that's an acceptable place to lick
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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