His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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