You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
