I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
