I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
