All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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