it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My ass is underappreciated
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
