dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
