Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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