if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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