You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
