That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My life is pants optional.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
