it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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