dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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