Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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