You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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