How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
