guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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