I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
that may or may not have been my penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
