dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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