I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
