he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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