we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
