you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize