At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
