Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think my fart just growled at me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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