Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
