either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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