someone owes me an orgasm
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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