hotel room ftw
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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