hotel room ftw
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize