Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
