can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
