i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
