Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
