Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
