I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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