Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
