I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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