What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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