that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
