Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
