I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
