Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
