Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
