I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
