His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
