babies were throwing up all over the place
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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