I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
