I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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