Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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