Christians are straight up FREAKS
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
