I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
