I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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