sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
