Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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