If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
