I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize