i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
please come you make the beer taste better
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
