Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Im part way to drunk.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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