I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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