I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
