god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
