and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
