You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
FUCK WHALES
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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